So I just happened to find Roger's old thought-a-day journal. The fact that he left it in a place that it could be found with such a weak combination lock on it tells me that, in his heart of hearts, he wanted everyone to read it. And what kind of monster would deny something so obvious? (Besides Salazar, of course). So here are some excerpts from Roger's -diary- journal. Enjoy.

• Business plan: Corner the market on Klondike bars and then demand people's outrageous claims be enacted.
• Modified business plan: Market slogan "What would you do for a puddle of chocolatey-goo? No reasonable offers refused." Note to self: Buy a freezer.
• I don't have intimacy issues. I'm just really serious about protecting her from the enemies of my crime-fighting alter ego.
• Just got in a dance-off with the full length mirror. And won.
• Still planning out defensive strategies incase of a wild animal attack. Today's animal: Narwhal
• It's high time we reassess our "mess with Texas" policy.
• While the $8 cover is excessive, it's ultimately worth it, for the party in my pants.
• If I ever have to fight a group of time traveling warriors from history, I really hope they're Huns. I have a great line ready for that.
• If I ever have to fight a group of time traveling warriors from future, I really hope they bring hoverboards.
• Pretty sure the "we only use 10% of our brains" statistic takes into account the mental resources used to determine what a passerbyer looks like naked.
• I do NOT drunk dial. I just make all of my most heartfelt calls at 2:30am.
• Would it be worth $3.99/min, plus $1.99 each additional minute for a "That's what she said" marathon.
• This heat wave's killing me. I'm now willing to do SIGNIFICANTLY MORE for a Klondike bar. Still no kissing on the mouth.
• My only regret is not telling her that I love her. That, and letting the 5 for $5 Arby's coupon expire.
• Last night was awesome… and then I had some really crazy dreams. Need to call her up and ask if we happened to make love on the moon under the watchful gaze of space unicorns.
• Cleaned my place to the point where I can apologize that I 'haven't had a chance to clean it lately' and have a reasonable chance at being believed.
• I have the strength of 1,000 seahorses.
• I have the strength of -1000- 890 seahorses.
• That MacGuyver guy's got nothing on me. I just made a Jack-O-Lantern using only a pumpkin, a series of knives and spoons, and a small candle.
• Things learned today: 1) Never scratch your balls during a horror movie 2) The route to the emergency room.
• Why does she pop, completely unbidden, into my thoughts. And why does she then always insist on singing Bryan Adams songs while dancing arrhythmically. She's kinda weird.
• The fact of the matter was that I had far too much respect for her, not to mention the Olive Garden we were at, to just cave in, abandon my believes, take the easy way out, and put my pants back on.
• So it turns out your stripper name isn't 'first pet' + 'mother's maiden name', but whatever the douchebag emcee ad-libs before your first set. Unoriginal bastard.
• Formidfender seeks muse. Must be willing to strike sultry poses, seductively whisper randomness, and ask questions that may be mistaken for either ever-innocent naivete or timeless wisdom. Flexible hours a must. Alcohol will be provided. No weirdos.
• I once beat a unicorn in a footrace, just to taste its tears. They were delicious.
• This Monday morning bus commute almost makes me wish I could just dance for a living. But I promised myself I would never go back to that.
• Just caught a fly with chopsticks. No idea what he was doing with them.
• I'm certain that a hug that goes on too long will EVENTUALLY go from 'awkward and creepy' to 'cathartic and nourishing'. My research, however, indicates that you don't get to that point before being kicked off the bus.
• So it turns out when Sparkles told me to "mount a charm offensive", he didn't mean that I should attach a small golden penis to her bracelet.
• The way the zoo keepers were going on about it you'd think I INVENTED the concept of cage fighting. Besides, it's not my fault the kangaroo never tapped out.
• I have a charming nose, an accessible body and the most succulent mouth feel.
• Just developed a foolproof plan to fight off any possible alien invaders. Assuming, of course, that they all have peanut allergies.
• If I ever get bitten by a werewolf, vampire or zombie… I know I'm going to turn. Before I do, I have to tell the group. …tell the group that the monsters' only weaknesses are boobs and rum.