World Link Soccer: The Best of Goals, The Worst of Goals

Winslow Townson-USA TODAY Sports

Agonizingly close to getting their tickets punched, the gate keeper slapped the USA's tickets out of their hands and told them to try again with the burly guy a few lines down.

US Soccer

Us Sounders fans have sure had a lot to cheer about when it comes to late goals this season. between our club team and the national team, the last ten minutes have been where we make our money. Then a day like today comes, and we remember just how terrible it feels to be on the other end. Kansas City felt this six times? How have they not just melted into nothingness from agony? Going in, a draw was considered a good result. Coming out... This sucks, and it is right to feel like it sucked.

If you're still mad about the last-second goal (you are), just watch this over and over again until you feel better.

And maybe one of these for good measure

via static4.businessinsider.com

No Beto, he wasn't offside. Well, maybe his abs were, but that's because they stretch out forever. Seriously, the fact that we lost doesn't excuse the internet from running with Clint Dempsey's "PELVIC THRUST" goal. The sooner we can photoshop Jim Carrey into that great moment, the better.

It is worth thinking about the alternate history where DeAndre Yedlin doesn't make that end line run and Dempsey doesn't finish it off. (Please, I'm not looking for lectures on chaos theory!) Bradley's giveaway, Ronaldo's curler, and Silvestre Valera's sprawling header would have left the USA with three points and hoping for two miracles: For Ghana to beat or draw Portugal and finding at least a draw against Germany. As of right now, we can potentially advance with only one of those things happening. We should all be big Ronaldo fans this week, unlike the last few days (why didn't my voodoo magic work!?) For the real life scenarios, you'd best click here (and pay attention, because if the USA doesn't get a point against Germany, things get MIGHTY complicated.)

It's a good thing we played this match before reports of Ghanaian match fixing started coming out. Ditto beating them a week ago. That could have been a huge distraction and also clouded that previous result's legitimacy.

Oh, hey guys, I found a good young-ish centerback playing in the World Cup. His name is Matt Besler, he doesn't play for any of the teams in the top leagues, and he just helped shut down Portugal for 94.5 minutes! Pro Soccer Talk named him the second-most valuable player on the pitch for the USA yesterday (Ives and I both thought it was Jermaine Jones). Problem is, I think a lot of other teams saw him do it too, and his current club may not be interested in transferring to the Northwest...

Kyle Beckerman's dreads also controlled their host body sufficiently well for them to have what is considered a pretty good game. Kyle Beckerman's dreads could not be reached for comment.

In the end, we can just blame it all on Piers Morgan.

World Cup

They didn't end up winning, but the USA result against Portugal was just one in a string of points that CONCACAF teams have obtained against supposedly superior competition. They're calling it "CONCACAF'd", perhaps the first time that phrase has been used in a positive manner (i.e. not referring to referees)

Things could of course be much worse: England, for example, has already been eliminated. All the supporters get for their plane tickets is free admission to a museum.

FIFA will be scrambling to figure out how to deal with head injuries after a clearly concussed player returned to the field.

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