Sounders v Portland - Aftermatch Aftermath: Sounders Savor Timbers Tears

Hand to Ball is typically a foul - Mike Russell

A game in which Seattle hosted Portland and played a Cascadia Cup rivalry match in a full stadium in the middle of an amazing sunset and won because they were clearly the most talented team over the course of the entire game which was evident for all to see especially the Timbers coach who typically is loathe to praise anybody but managed to praise Seattle albeit with some pretty heavy caveats.

This is not going to be your typical Aftermatch Aftermath*. Some would criticize me for messing with a working formula**, but there's something about these Seattle Sounders and Portland Timbers games that gets me all worked up, generating a visceral response in my body unlike any I've experienced before.

It's not that I don't like the city Portland, because I do. I think it's beautiful, the food is great, the shopping is tax free, and it's got that distinct Pacific Northwest feeling that I love. But I really, truly hate the Timbers.

I hate their owner. Like big time. That asshat bought a billboard right outside Century Link Field in late 2010 time that simply read, "Portland, Oregon, Soccer City USA 2011." That got things started on the wrong foot for me. I'm sure others could complain about his silver-spooned entitlement, but that doesn't add to the fuel of my hatred fire. Just follow him on Twitter, triple dog dare you.

I hate their coach. Caleb Porter is so delusionally self-involved, I often wonder if he truly believes the bullshit that spews from his mouth. I hope he doesn't, truly, since if he did it'd just help to reinforce the idea that in order to succeed in this world you have to be a sociopath. Which sucks, because I'd really like to make a lot of money by being a shitty coach and not winning a lot.

I hate their players. Now, before I get lambasted for grouping all players together, I recognize there are some good men playing for the Timbers, honorable men who work very hard within their communities to make the world a better place for people who aren't themselves. But as soon as those good men put on the Timbers jerseys, they just transform into extremely unlikeable human beings. Am I biased? Of course. Does this bias cloud my judgment? Absolutely. Do I feel bad about it? Not even in the slightest.

In fact, it's because I hate this amalgamation that makes up the Timbers that makes the Portland and Seattle games so hard for me to enjoy. That pragmatism that I espouse, that nonsense goes out the door when these two teams play. The last thing I want to see is those Timbers fans and players happy at the expense of the Sounders. And just the mere thought of it pre-game worries me to my core.

I try not to attend the games in person. The ebbs and flows over the course of the full 90 hit me hard. It bothers me when I can hear the Timbers Army. It bothers me when the Sounders don't get a call go their way. It bothers me when we're not beating Portland's morale into submission.

But once Oba came into the game and the seas parted. The Timbers gave up on any semblance of trying to win and withdrew into their comfortable draw-shell. The inevitability of Sounders dominating the Timbers became apparent as shot after shot rained down on the Timbers goal like their tears rained on us from above.

And it was glorious.

It seemed unfair at times, and I loved it. Adrian Hanauer hasn't Moneyball'd MLS, he hasn't exploited some forgotten market inefficiency. He's simply assembled a roster full of highly talented and stylistically cohesive players who appear as a unit to be vastly superior to their competition under the guidance of Sigi Schmid. That the Timbers players said they felt outnumbered on the pitch is a testament to how amazing Seattle played in the second half.

All this in front of an international audience.

This Sounders team is something else. Whether we're watching something historic or not won't be determined until much later, but it's clear that we're watching something special.

*We can blame this on the fact that ESPN and my DVR weren't compatible after the former changed the start time.

**It works for me, at least.

A boy's best friend is his GIFs

It's Cascadia rivalry time!

8cd8brf_medium

All these Timbers fans making their way up from Portland.

Kittyfarthing_medium

Full stadium in Seattle? Pretty awesome.

Eez680x_medium

This first half though.

Figureitout_medium

Not sure what to make of it.

Rqu7hnn_medium

Wait, do you guys see that sunset?

Mbdk4hd_medium

Oh shit. Run for cover, Timbers! Oba's coming on!

Z7ah1nscrdswqh3pszve_medium

You gotta fail sometime, Ricketts.

Lof4tyc_medium

Yes! Dempsey goal!

Yes_medium

It was Will Johnson who kept him onside?

Gif_jack_shining_medium

Oh yes, Pappa! No mercy.

Yfcpo60_medium

This team is just so much fun.

Giphy_medium

Are these... are these Timbers tears falling on me?

Windyvapidgrassspider_medium

Not singing your damn songs now, are ya?

M5gmmge_medium

Sounders win!

Tumblr_inline_mfvjw9lrrj1raygyb_medium

Good game, Portland. You availed yourself well.

House-on-fire-o_medium

But not in our house, you won't!

Vc2lalf_medium

Have fun being stuck at 21 points.

Bwplqg5_medium

Hope you enjoyed your trip to Seattle.

H54b1f08d_medium

Now get the fuck out!

Ezsqall_medium

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior users will need to choose a permanent username, along with a new password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

I already have a Vox Media account!

Verify Vox Media account

Please login to your Vox Media account. This account will be linked to your previously existing Eater account.

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior MT authors will need to choose a new username and password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Sounder At Heart

You must be a member of Sounder At Heart to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Sounder At Heart. You should read them.

Join Sounder At Heart

You must be a member of Sounder At Heart to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Sounder At Heart. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9353_tracker