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The Five Stages of Grief, Sounders Style

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scarves Many years ago, grief specialist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross posited that grief has five stages. I believe this is relevant to most Sounders fans this morning, so let's take a run-through, shall we?

Five Stages Of Grief

1. Denial and Isolation.
At first, we tend to deny the loss has taken place, and may withdraw from our usual social contacts. This stage may last a few moments, or longer.

Lose? We didn't lose. Everything's good and we are on our way. I mean, even the Seattle Times says it's true! (The ad to our left was spotted on the Seattle Times site this morning -- yes, this morning -- by eagle-eyed reader Kyle. If that's not denial, I don't know what is.)

Note: "Denial and Isolation" is not to be confused with the true first stage of grief, "hangover recovery." I believe that when you're talking about soccer, this qualifies as a grieving period all unto itself. If Dr. Kubler-Ross had been a fan, she would have figured this out.

2. Anger.
The grieving person may then be furious at the person who inflicted the hurt (even if she's dead), or at the world, for letting it happen. He may be angry with himself for letting the event take place, even if, realistically, nothing could have stopped it.

Probably a good idea not to focus too much anger on our own guys, given that we'll need them next year.

Or...wait. Who am I to tell you how to grieve? Be as pissed as you like over missed chances and squandered opportunities and a billion passes gone astray.

As an alternative, though? I'm thinking we could make a fortune this week selling Pat Onstad voodoo dolls. (Grecian Formula not included.) Alternatively, if you're not still mad at Pat, how about "Design your own" voodoo dolls, complete with Creamsicle jersey or Referee kit as desired?

P.S. Chingy, after all we did for you, this is how you repay the debt? You are dead to us.

3. Bargaining.
Now the grieving person may make bargains with God, asking, "If I do this, will you take away the loss?"

"Give us back one of Montero's shots. Just one. I know he'd make it this time!

Or Laurie's version: Please, please give us back the game! Let them replay it! I swear I won't watch it this time! This is all my fault!

4. Depression.
The person feels numb, although anger and sadness may remain underneath.

Would you believe I have not read one match report? OR watched a highlight video? And doesn't today seem like an excellent day to call in sick, pull the covers over your head and sleep for about 48 hours?

5. Acceptance.
This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. The person simply accepts the reality of the loss.

Next year we'll have a consistent goal-scorer. I just know it.

~~*~~

For now, though, to get you through and cheer you up a bit, I have a couple of things for you.

First, you knew the LA Galaxy would win last night, right? It was in the cards that Beckham advance, even if it had to be on a penalty. Which it was.

On the bright side, though, did you see what led to the penalty? Remember Mike Magee, the guy whose play-acting got James Riley red-carded back in May? The penalty came after he was taken down in the box with a groin-shot.

I guess what I'm saying is that we can get through this is we just pay attention to all the good things that are still going on in the world.

~~*~~

And finally, I thought that this week would be a good week to share a little collection of my favorite videos. Today it's Monty Python, mixing footy and philosophy. (Because isn't the connection obvious?)