Scene: Mt. Rainier, after dusk. Freddie Ljungberg and Fredy Montero are setting up camp.
Montero: So why are we here again?
Ljungberg: We are camping. Sigi says it will promote 'male bonding.'
Montero: What's 'male bonding'?
Ljungberg: I think it's American for, "You learn to pass me the ball."
Montero: I'm not sure I like this. It's dark. And...creepy. And...are there bears around here?
Ljungberg: A few. But don't worry. They'll only come around if you have food in camp.
Montero: Okay. Good. Except...wait. Why is there a salmon in my sleeping bag?
Ljungberg: I told you not to let Le Toux pack for you.
[Silence. Sounds of frogs and owls in the background.]
Montero: So what happens now?
Ljungberg: Now I advance the bonding process by giving you advice about life based on my vast experience.
Montero: Like what?
Ljungberg: Like... Women are trouble. Get a dog instead.
Montero: Oh, great. Now you tell me.
[More frogs. More owls.]
Ljungberg: I think we are making progress, yes? We are bonding?
Montero: Um...I guess.
Ljungberg: So are you ready start passing to me?
Montero: I don't know, Freddie. I mean, you're a good guy and all, and I really appreciate the dog advice. But I just don't think I need to give you the ball. Those first two games we did just fine without you. We didn't have any problems till you started playing.
Ljungberg: Ah. It's as Sigi suspected. He thought you would be difficult to break. He told me that I should prepare for this moment. It is time for the heavy artillery. It is time for...Kum Ba Yah.
Montero: What's Kum Ba Yah?
Ljungberg: It's American for "That crappy song you're not allowed to stop singing until all your issues are resolved."
♫
Someone's crying, Lord
Kum Ba Yah
Someone's crying, Lord...♫
Montero: AAAAAIIIIIEEEEEE!!! Okay, okay, I'll pass to you! I won't try to dribble around three defenders when I have five other options! I'll make runs off the ball! I'll only take shots I can make! Just...stop! Please, please stop!!
Ljungberg: Brilliant. Our problems are solved. And Sigi, they're right. You ARE a genius.
Thanks to Seattle Soccer Talk poster "bright" for the inspiration!