Over the weekend, the Sounders announced the signing of some guy from Nacogdoches, Texas from some team in England. Tally-ho, y'all. The real story was that the 3-0 shellacking of FC Dallas was such a big deal that our newest addition's fellow Texans over at Big D Soccer are starting to seriously consider whether Schella Hyndman should be relived of his duties as the head coach of FC Dallas.
Speaking of head coaches from Texas, Tottenham have hired a guy named Ted Lassoo to take over for André Villas-Boas. Just kidding. That's actually a clever promo from NBC for their Premier League coverage featuring Jason Sudekis as a football coach from Texas that knows nothing about soccer.
Houston Dynamo fans see the recent sale of the Columbus Crew as a sign that AEG's days as owner of the Houston Dynamo are numbered. Even though AEG only owns a 50% stake in the team, in addition to their ownership of the LA Galaxy, you have to wonder whether there's some stereotypically rich oil tycoon in the area interested in buying the only pro sports team in Houston to have won a championship within the past decade.
A couple hours west-northwest of Houston on US Highway 290, the Austin Aztex are celebrating their first PDL Championship in only their second year of existence. In what has to be considered a resoundingly successful season, the Aztex also claimed the PDL MVP (Kristopher Tyrpak) and Coach of the Year (Paul Dalglish) awards.
I think that covers all the Texas stories, so let's see what's new in Cascadia. John Canzano has the inspiring story of a young Vancouver Whitecaps supporter who suffers from Pierre Robin Syndrome but won't let that stop him from traveling to Portland to support his team. Also in Portland, it looks like Adidas is going to make a big promotional push next year for the All-Star Game, buying highly visible ad space across the area's transit system. It's probably a safe bet that this plan played a role in Portland being awarded the 2014 All-Star Game.
The LA Galaxy are doing everything they can to improve their team before the transfer window closes. After what has been widely considered a disappointing season by Carlo Cudicini, LA has signed Panamanian national team goalkeeper Jaime Penedo. It also appears as though LA will make defender Omar Gonzalez their third DP. This appears to be a good move, given their struggles in the first half of the 2012 season while Gonzalez was recovering from an ACL injury and their success after he returned to the lineup. They may not have 3 DP's for long though, with rumors that Landon Donovan is considering a return to Europe after his contract with the Galaxy expires at the end of the season.
Real Salt Lake's communication team participated in a Reddit AMA (ask me anything) yesterday to help promote their appearance in the semifinals of the US Open Cup against Portland tomorrow. They covered a wide range of issues, including the growth and maturation of their fan base, RSL's prioritization of the Open Cup, the way they use their Twitter acount, local TV ratings and market size, and the future of the league.
Also in Utah, the 17 year old player who assaulted and killed a referee in April has pled guilty to a charge of homicide by assault. He was sentenced to juvenile prison, where he could spend the next three years.
Massive Report remembers Kirk Urso, whose life ended far too soon a year ago yesterday.
After hearing racist chants against him in a friendly in January, AC Milan midfielder Kevin-Prince Boateng seriously considered leaving Italy. While Italy may not be doing much to rid the sport of racism, England is taking the issue much more seriously, giving a Sunderland fan a 3 year ban.
In Spain, the Liga de Futbol Profesional (LFP) in investigating match-fixing allegations from 9 matches after uncovering "unusual betting patterns". Three of the matches being investigated took place in La Liga. The other six matches were in Liga Adelante.
Recent reports have emerged that the West Germany team that defeated Hungary in the 1954 World Cup Final was given injections of stimulants and other banned substances. This casts new light on the 1966 World Cup team that lost to England, when several West Germany players tested positive for ephedrine.
Tottenham does not appear to be backing off from their insistence that any deal for Gareth Bale include Real Madrid's young attacker Alvaro Morata. Spurs have also just signed Spanish striker Roberto Saldado, who is apparently their replacement for some guy they recently sold to MLS. One truly bizarre story involving Tottenham involves a Yemeni cell of Al-Qaeda attacking them for trying to get €100 million for Gareth Bale. It would seem that Al Qaeda are Real Madrid fans.
Manchester United fans who were holding out hope for Cristiano Ronaldo returning to Old Trafford in the near future were dealt a blow when Ronaldo re-signed with Real Madrid on a long term deal. The will now have to hope that they can sign Cesc Fabregas from Barcelona, after the team made yet another bid for the Catalan midfielder. The club is feeling pressure to add a big name, especially with Wayne Rooney becoming increasingly unsettled after a second offer from Chelsea was rejected.
If you thought some of the MLS 1.0 crests were bad, you should check out what Caught Offside calls the 10 worst crests in American soccer history.