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Sounders v Dallas - Aftermatch Aftermath: For the Sounders, For the People

Seattle Sounders are on the precipice of changing the course of MLS history following their non-loss in their first away match of the playoffs. What seems like an insignificant small step instead ushers in a new era where the Sounders free the league from its shackles.

Unity for us all
Unity for us all
Ray Carlin-USA TODAY Sports

As a result of Seattle Sounders changing the landscape of the MLS, with their collection of their first Supporter's Shield, beating out entrenched overlords Galaxy in the process, and their non-loss on the road against perennial jerks FC Dallas in their first playoff match, I've written an article heavily inspired (read: slightly reworked) by a speech given in the movie The Great Dictator. The edits are intended to turn it from a political-propaganda speech into a "Yeah! Go Sounders."

Today is our today. This league is our league. Through our benevolence we will change it from a landscape of hate into a world of hope. That is our gift.

Some years ago, a man built a machine. He called it Michel. It was a machine built for one purpose, to accurately kick a ball and to dance. Two purposes. The kicking part was easy. Kicking is math, and machines understand math. But dancing is an art, and machines don't understand art. This man was no artist.

This man built a machine. The machine could kick, and the kicks amazed the people. The machine could dance, but the dance horrified the people.

This man built a machine whose intentions might have been pure but have since been perverted by ego and time. This machine surrounded itself with other machines; remorseless, shameless, lacking in humility. These machines only wanted one thing: to dominate.

I'm sorry, but I don't want to root for machines. That's not my business. I don't want to rule or conquer. I should like to help everyone if possible. We all want to help one another. Human beings are like that. We want to live by each other's happiness, not by each other's misery. We don't want to hate and despise one another.

In this league there is room for everyone, and the good earth is rich and can provide for everyone. The way of life can be free and beautiful, but machines forced us to lose the way.

Greed has poisoned men's souls, has barricaded the league with hate, has goose-stepped us into misery and bloodshed. We have developed speed, but we have shut ourselves in. Machinery that gives abundance has left us in want. Our knowledge has made us cynical; our cleverness, hard and unkind. We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery, we need humanity. More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost.

The airplane and the internet have brought us closer together. The very nature of these inventions cries out for the goodness in men; cries out for universal brotherhood; for the unity of us all. Even now my voice is reaching millions throughout the league, millions of despairing men, women, and children, victims of a system that makes men root for despicable teams.

To those who can hear me, I say, do not despair. The misery that is now upon us is but the passing of greed, the bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress. The hate of men will pass, and dictators die, and the power they took from the people will return to the people. And so long as men die, liberty will never perish.

Sounders! Don't give yourselves to brutes, machines who despise you, enslave you; who regiment your lives, tell you what to do, what to think and what to feel! Who drill you, diet you, treat you like cattle, use you as cannon fodder. Don't give yourselves to these unnatural men - machine men with machine minds and machine hearts! You are not machines, you are not cattle, you are men! You have the love of humanity in your hearts! You don't hate! Only the unloved hate; the unloved and the unnatural.

Sounders! Don't fight for slavery! Fight for liberty! It is written that the MLS is within man, not one man nor a group of men, but in all men! In you! You, the people, have the power, the power to create machines, the power to create happiness! You, the people, have the power to make this life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure. Then in the name of the Sounders, let us use that power. Let us all unite.

Let us fight for a new league, a decent league that will give men a chance to work, that will give youth a future and old age and security. By the promise of these things, brutes have risen to power. But they lie! They do not fulfill that promise. They never will! Unworthy teams free themselves but they enslave the people. Now let us fight to fulfill that promise. Let us fight to free the league! To do away with machines and dictators! To do away with greed, with hate and intolerance! Let us fight for a league of reason, a league where science and progress will lead to all men's happiness.

Fans, in the name of the Sounders, let us all unite!

Look up, Sounders. Wherever you are, look up. The clouds are lifting! The sun is breaking through! We are coming out of the darkness into the light! We are coming into a new league; a kindlier league, where men will rise above their hate, their greed, and brutality. Look up! The soul of man has been given wings and at last he is beginning to fly. He is flying into the rainbow! Into the light of hope, into the future! The glorious future, that belongs to you, to me and to all of us. Look up, Sounders. Look up!


Playoffs are here!

Now it's time to determine who truly is the best team in the league. Thanks playoffs!

Lovely. Dallas's histrionics is in full effect.

Oh, a Perez flop. Everybody get out your Dallas Sucks bingo cards.

A penalty?! What?!

Ugh, that sure did look like a penalty by Pappa.

Oh great, now Michel is dancing.

This isn't gonna be another one of those playoffs, is it?

C'mon Sounders, you can do this.

Yes! Ozzie! You're so majestic.

He was a ghost out there, right in front of goal.

We got that much needed away goal. Watch out, Dallas.

Are you sure you wanna keep going after Leo?

We've got Dallas right where we want them.

Woo! A tie. I'm not worried about the upcoming return game. Not really.

You'd better not miss the game on Monday. Everybody will be watching.

Sounders are gonna turn that one goal into a whole lot more.

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