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Sounders v Chivas - Aftermatch Aftermath: Spoilers Contained Within

The game in which Seattle Sounders defeated Chivas USA because Seattle was better and won and stuff.

Even Djimi can't look away from stupid sexy Kennedy
Even Djimi can't look away from stupid sexy Kennedy
Jayne Kamin-Oncea-USA TODAY Sports

And you, my father, there on the sad height,

Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Final verse – Do Not Go Gentle Into that Good Night – Dylan Thomas

Sorry Chivas USA, you made a good show of it, better than you usually do. But this team, these Seattle Sounders, they will not be denied. When all is lost, where naught exists but absence, despondency will find no quarter here. No home is safe; no hopes, dreams, allusions. We few, we Sounders, we will take the points.

And take the points they did. Seattle marched into Stub Hub Field, and in front of a couple people, they took what was rightfully theirs: points. Versed in the fine arts of showmanship, for 80 minutes those crazy Sounders made us fans doubt their ability to plunder, but they did it for our sake. If they beat every team 4-0 without breaking a sweat, well we'd lament their 2-0 victories and think the sky was falling. They're so clever, those Sounders.

Seattle hasn't lost to Chivas since 2009. That's like, a long time ago. The last time Seattle lost to Chivas, The Hangover just came out in theaters, barely eking out Up for Box Office #1 and the USMNT played Honduras at Soldier Field in Chicago to a 2-1 victory, with some guys named Landon Donovan and Carlos Bocanegra scoring. I'm pretty sure those guys are dead now since that was so long ago. Weird to think about it like that. Anyway...

Time to blend this up like a Magic Bullet

  • Obafemi Martins and Clint Dempsey have a rapport. If we've learned anything in the first 7 games, we've learned that. But there were a few times Martins ignored a streaking Lamar Neagle in lieu of a lower pecentage pass to Clint. In the 81st minute, Dempsey and Martins took on four Chivas defenders for the game winning goal, resulting in a Oba-Chip-Oba-Flip. Oba Chip-Flip? Is that a thing? Can we make that a thing? But Dempsey received the ball from Oba (who then made a dead sprint through the four defenders) and was surrounded by goats, none of which really pressured the MLS MVP frontrunner. He picked out Oba's run, and Seattle gets the 3 points. Yay!

  • We saw head official Ismail Elfath call back a couple plays after giving advantage to a team who promptly loses it. From what I can tell during these past five matches (after the referee lockout ended), the officials are markedly improved over previous seasons. Of course we haven't had Salazar or Stott taint our experiences as of yet, but early yellows, calling niggling fouls, I can get behind this.

  • Say what you want about the penalty, whether it was or wasn't a foul, or whether it was or wasn't in the box, but I'm glad I got to see the robot in a game Seattle didn't lose. Erick Torres and his version of the robot is so bad that it's fun. If you're going to celebrate penalty goals (pro tip: don't) do so in a way that makes you look like a public fool. Plus anything that reminds me of one of my favorite parody songs ever is good by me.

  • 7,499 fans attended the match. On a Saturday night. In Los Angeles. According to Wikipedia (and the 2012 census), Los Angeles has a population of 3,857,799. That's 0.19% of Los Angeles, compared to Seattle who averages 44,038 with a population of 634,535 for a 6.94% rate (or 1.24% if you count Seattle's Metro area (I didn't include LA's metro area (but LA essentially is a metro area))). I'm excited for the rebrand of Chivas, because they're a fun team, they deserve more fans than LA Galaxy.

  • Interesting to me that after going a man-up in the 73rd minute, Sigi didn't make any substitutions until stoppage time when he brought Chad Barrett on for Oba, despite the fact that until the 81st minute, the game was still a 1-1 affair. One would've thought an off-the-bench Kenny Cooper could've wreaked some havoc against Chivas fullbacks.

  • Early in the match, after the penalty kick, I was lamenting how Seattle hasn't caught many breaks so far in this young season, while their opponents are lucking into an unfortunate amount of goals. Then Dan Kennedy has his own Freitmare to gift Seattle a goal and then the Sounders benefit from a red card against Marco Delgado that rarely gets called in this league. So thanks, Universe, apparently all I have to do is complain.

How about some Kennedy butterfingers to take us home

  • Lamar Neagle scored a goal while playing as a midfielder. When was the last time that happened? The 6-2 Columbus game where he got his hat trick?

  • It was nice to see Mauro Rosales play 85 minutes against Seattle. I did have mixed feelings upon witnessing Leo Gonzalez hack at the Argentine repeatedly, but at least it filled me with nostalgia.

  • In the past two matches on the road Seattle has only allowed one run-of-play goal, the bouncing ball that Stefan Frei misjudged, wind and spin aided.

  • Three Chivas players earned yellow cards after fouling Gonzalo Pineda. I don't know if there's skill involved in drawing opponents yellow cards, but apparently Pineda has it. Is that a good thing?

  • Adolfo Bautista, more colloquially known as Bofo, is up there for worst hair in the league. It will take a miracle to unseat Sebastian Velasquez for worst hair ever.

  • For all you folks out there whose significant others fantasize over Dan Kennedy, don't show them the replay of his failure. It'll make him seem vulnerable and that won't help any of us.

  • In the 30th minute, with no Chivas players near them, Gonzalo Pineda and Osvaldo Alonso exchanged 6 consecutive one-touch passes to each other.

  • Obafemi Martins was fouled as many times as the entire Chivas team.

GIF 'em? I hardly knew 'em!

Seattle plays Chivas?


What can go wrong?


Oh. That.


Well shit.


Haha Kennedy, you stupid sexy bastard!


And now Chivas earned a red card?


C'mon! Score a goal, please.


Finally Dempsey and Oba decide to stop playin' around


Yes! The game is ours!


Never a doubt in our mind.


Now it's time to relax.


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