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Sounders v Colorado - Aftermatch Aftermath: Rapid Decline

The game in which Seattle made Colorado regret ever deciding to play soccer professional, causing them to reassess their choices in life and where they went wrong.

Otto Greule Jr


if each day,

each hour,

you feel that you are destined for me

with implacable sweetness,

if each day a flower

climbs up to your lips to seek me,

ah my love, ah my own,

in me all that fire is repeated,

in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,

my love feeds on your love, beloved,

and as long as you live it will be in your arms

without leaving mine.

Excerpt - "If You Forget Me" - Pablo Neruda

After the 5-1 drubbing the Colorado Rapids put on the Seattle Sounders in October of 2013, I imagine the Colorado players were riding pretty high. I imagine their fans were riding even higher, for as we ride the ebbs and flows of fandom, we tend to get a pretty over-inflated sense of self when things are going particularly well. But I'm pretty sure the resounding refrain coming from that Denver area was more of the "haha Seattle" variety.

Apollo Creed, a Denver sports supporter, was overheard saying about the Seattle sports teams, "Stay in school and use your brain. Be a doctor, be a lawyer, carry a leather briefcase. Forget about sports as a profession. Sports make ya grunt and smell. See, be a thinker, not a stinker."

Well who's the stinker now? You're the stinker, Colorado! Since that unfortunate and anomalous game, Seattle has beaten Colorado based teams by a combined score of 49-9 over the course of three games: one playoff game, one championship game, and one regular season game. Seriously, who's the stinker now? Because it's smelling lovely up here.

Time to put some Bullets over Broadway

  • Do you remember when I said the goals would be coming from everywhere? I was wrong. So far they've really only come from Clint Dempsey, Obafemi Martins, and Lamar Neagle. Those three players have combined for 78% of Sounders goals scored. While that seems imbalanced and potentially detrimental, the silver lining is they're merely scoring in massive quantities. 18 goals in 8 games, including 13 in the last 4. Ridiculous scoring rate. And when you realize that Brad Evans, Marco Pappa, and Kenny Cooper will get their goals, how do you defend against that? Hail Hydra!

  • I would hate to go against Chad Marshall. He's not like one of those cheap CB who will chip at your ankles, bear hug you, or just take you down when he's beat. Instead he's just better than you. And smarter. And stronger. And bigger. His assist on Dempsey's second goal is perfect. I love headers across the goal off corners, and Dempsey's header was perfect. It was like he chipped it right over Clint Irwin's fingertips, but with his head. Marshall was a beast defensively and again had a shot on goal for I believe the 8th straight game. It's a shame he's too unmotivated to play for the USMNT.

  • Can we talk about Clint and Oba for a second? They are unreal when both are on the field together. Their level of shit-trying is astronomical, and it works. There are times when entire defenses swarm around them, only for them to emerge with the ball and a shot on target. Saturday's game marks the first for the Sounders in which both Clint and Oba scored in the same game, and they're just getting started. In games without the other, defenses can focus on stopping one superstar and it's a viable strategy. But when both are on the pitch, defenses are at a loss and it shows. Pappa joined the fun yesterday as his quick touches and intricate passing injected an additional element to an offense which Colorado was powerless to stop. Watch out, Kaiju. We got your number.

  • Prior to the match there was an instructional video by Bobby Howe played at Century Link Field. It looked like it was from the 70s. I could tell because the shorts were too short, the music was funky, and even the kids had non-ironic mustaches. But it was talking about the proper tackling technique and how you're supposed to plant a leg, put your weight on that leg, and swing the other leg through the ball. Makes sense. But Deandre Yedlin is a child of the 90s.


Source: 8 Bit Sports Seattle

How about an Alonso love-shove to take us home

  • Congratulations out to 12 year-old Dillon Serna for scoring his first career MLS goal, giving hope to all 12 year-old soccer players around the world. Dreams do come true.

  • Q13 got a few things wrong yesterday on their broadcast. They used Rapids players pictures for Seattle's lineup and they said that as Sounders head coach Sigi Schmid had a 6-0-1 record vs Colorado (including playoffs). By my count, including Saturday's game, he's 10-2-2. Way off, Fox.

  • Also during the broadcast, Ross Fletcher said on air, "Fantastic to behold." Unfortunately with his accent, it sounded a lot like he said, "Fantastic butthole."

  • When was the last time Osvaldo Alonso was subjected to a non-injury substitution? It was a nice moment where the crowd really got to cheer specifically for him.

  • I believe this was the first game Stefan Frei did not give away any rebounds. He was very sure-handed all game.

  • Nice to see a game with only 20 fouls. Thanks Colorado.

If you GIF it, he will come

Alright, Sounders, don't like, do what you did last October.


Okay, okay, not a horrible start is good.


A goal right before half? They didn't see that coming!


The Rapids thought they were safe and secure.


What the fuck? Was that...magic?


We do what we want, Colorado!


They tried to put up a fight. But, just no.


Goals! More goals! We want all the goals!


You think you can come into our stadium and take our points?


Those points are ours. We are the danger!


Hey, Philly. I heard you're coming to Seattle to play a game?


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