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Sounders v New England - Aftermatch Aftermath: So Dark, So Cold

The game in which Seattle lost to New England in embarrassing fashion and made Mother's Day a bad holiday which will forever be ruined because Seattle looked bad and made our mothers sad.

Feet aren't supposed to bend like that.
Feet aren't supposed to bend like that.
Bob DeChiara-USA TODAY Sports

7:45, we're drivin' on the highway
Cruisin' so fast, I want time to fly
Fun, fun, think about fun
You know what it is
I got this, you got this
My friend is by my right, ay
I got this, you got this
Now you know it

excerpt from "Friday" – Rebecca Black

When I was a junior in high school, our football team won the first four matches of the season. It was a pretty exciting time, since, as a newer school, we had never established a tradition of success. Then our star running back tore every ligament in his knee. I was friends with the guy, nice guy, bad luck. A once promising football career derailed by a massive injury. Apparently he was the only good player on that team, because after that injury, they proceeded to lose every game following.

When I was a senior in high school, things didn’t get any better. The football coach even asked if I wanted to play for the team, since I was fast. But that was my only talent. I was 5’9, maybe 120 lbs, but I was fast and I could run for days. However, I can recognize a sinking ship when I see one. He wasn’t asking me because he thought I’d be a good football player (I wouldn’t’ve been), he was asking me because I’d be one of the best football players on the team. This isn’t me humblebragging, instead it’s an indictment of how awful my high school football team truly was.

That year, even before the season started, we knew things wouldn’t go well. And sure enough, we started losing, badly. Scores like 77-7 and 63-0 were commonplace. If you wanted to watch a good ol’ American football game fought hard in the trenches, fighting for every inch, well these weren’t the games for you. If you wanted to see a really good football team beat the ever living shit out of a really bad football team, then you should’ve been to those games. Those other teams were incredible. Even the 2nd worst team in the league would run roughshod over us. Those Friday night lights, beaming down from above, illuminating the efforts of the youth, the dreams and aspiration, of hard hits and lung-bursting runs, those Friday night lights separated the weak and left them exposed; left them wanting.

We finished that season without a win. I think we scored 20 points once. But those games were glorious. It’s a different experience when you go into something knowing you’re going to be on the wrong end of a barnburner. You can relax, let go of any anxiety and just enjoy the spectacle for what it is; enjoy the mutual gatherings of like-minded people, out to share an experience over something they love and for which they share a passion. Those games were fun.

When you’re expecting your team to be delivering the rout and in turn become the routed, well that’s less fun. When the New England Revolution turned the narrative around on the Seattle Sounders, it’s safe to say we were all a bit flummoxed and exasperated. There is something beautiful in the spectacle though. With the absence of hope, what are we left with? Well, on the one hand we have a team who just got embarrassed by a less talented opponent. But on the other hand we have the Sounders and we have each other.

In person, I tend to be pretty measured and pragmatic. One of the things I love about the Sounders is that, for some reason, I turn off that part of my brain that says, "Hey buddy, don’t scream out loud in exaltation, that’s unbecoming." I lose my voice each and every game I attend. Even at home, when there’s nobody around, I’m hooting and hollering, pumping my fist. I’ve never done this for the Mariners or even the Seahawks. I’m a Sounder at Heart. Through thick and thin. And if I’m glad about one thing regarding Sunday’s game, it’s that I got to experience it here with all of you.

If I’m glad for another thing regarding Sunday’s game, it’s that Sigi now has five examples of "what not to do," on tape and can drum it home to all the players. They will learn from this and they will improve. New England provided for the rest of the league a blue-print on how to beat Seattle. I have faith in their ability to adjust, adapt, and put another 5-game winning streak under their belts.

Shout-out to seoultrain who had the closest guess in my little gamethread game. His guess of 00 years, 00 months, 00 days was closest to the answer, which was 00 years, 00 months, 01 days.

Great! Gorgeous gift giving GIFs? Goodness gracious!

Alright, Sounders, let’s do this.


Not such a bad start.


Wait, wait, don't count that. We weren't ready.


Okay, seriously? What the actual fuck?


Just stop it, please?


We're serious.


This is just awkward now.


But we can still dig ourselves out of this hole!


Oh god. I think I’m going to be sick.


Just, just get it over with, New England.


Wait, you don’t have to be jerks about it.


We’re trying. I swear.


You’re, uhh, going a little overboard there, New England. Don’t you think?


Welp. Glad that’s over.


Seriously though, that game was closer than the score indicated.


It could’ve been worse.


We didn’t do horribly. They just had a couple nice shots is all.


There’s always next week, right? #YOLO


Now will somebody just hold me?


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