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Aftermatch Aftermath - Special Edition: US Open Cup Champions

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Queue the Queen. Fireworks at the ready. Glitter-gun is good to go. I repeat: Glitter-gun is good to go!

Damn it feels good to be a Sounder
Damn it feels good to be a Sounder
John Geliebter-USA TODAY Sports

Oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god. We did it! Well, rather the Sounders did it! I didn't do anything except wet myself in nervousness. But Chad Barrett scored, Clint Dempsey scored, and Obafemi Martins scored (which prompted an excited Jeremiah to accidentally punch me in the shoulder amidst his celebration) and the Seattle Sounders won the 2014 Lamar Hunt US Open Cup trophy for the fourth time in six years.

#SE4TTLE

Next year? #5EATTLE

Stefan Frei, much maligned, played the best game of his life. If you ever hear anybody hem and haw over Frei, you have my permission to slap them and/or shake them. If they protest at this sudden reprimand just point in their face and say, "No!" repeatedly. It'll work, trust me.

But oh my goodness what a game. Hats off to Philadelphia Union and to their great coach Jim Curtin, who definitely has earned the rights to take that silly interim tag off his business card. They could've easily won this game if Frei didn't take his jedi training seriously and nobody would've said it was undeserved. If they start finishing up their chances with a little more frequency, this is a team that can emerge from the East to play for the MLS Cup.

I've got a theory here, but first, take a look at this gif of DeAndre Yedlin.

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So those with keen eyes will note that he's been wearing this Iverson-esque sleeve on his arm lately. Call me crazy, but that looks like it comes from a dry-suit and it's to keep moisture from collecting in those areas. "But why would he need to keep moisture from collecting in those areas?" you would ask, well, it's simple. See, lately Yedlin has been dabbling in cybernetic modifications. He's turning himself into a cyborg. How else can you explain his superhuman speed?

Listen, I know that seems far-fetched but this kind of limb-replacement was happening a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, so it's not unreasonable that Yedlin dabbles in a little enhancement given that pretty soon he'll go from facing Tommy Thompson to Romelu Lukaku pretty soon. First one arm, then two, then two legs and the next thing you know he's throwing Emperors from balconies to save his babies.

We have been lucky enough to witness an historic team this season, and the fun's just starting. The belief that this team has in itself and their fellow players is intoxicating and infectious. Other team scores a goal first? Big whoop! We'll score three more. There's no quit because they know they can and should beat every team every game. So it doesn't matter if we're going up against New York Red Bulls in New Jersey with a starting lineup of Barrett and Kenny Cooper, with Anibaba and Azira starting, because those men that put on the Rave Green kit with that beautiful crest over their hearts know what it takes to win.

It's that drive and that trust that will help this team overcome adversity. They sit with a 3 point lead and a game in hand in the Supporter's Shield race. MLS Silverware. That'd look mighty nice next to that 4th DeWar Cup. But in order to get that, a win against Vancouver is paramount, which would net us the Cascadia Cup. Then it's the crapshoot known as the MLS Cup. "Why not us?" said the Seahawks prior to their Superb Owl victory and now says the NFL blatantly destroying everything that is good in this world. Why not us indeed?

But back to point, US Open Cup Champions! Sigi Schmid becomes the first coach ever to win the competition five times. The Sounders qualify for the 2015 CONCACAF Champions League! That's huge. Now all those weird season ticket contingencies go out the window. But that also means more allocation monies!

Seattle is already sitting on a pretty pile of allocation money, so can the best team get better? The roster freeze came and went and all Seattle did was pick up a new trophy for their trophy case. No complaints from me!

One down. Three to go. Let's make history together, baby, create a legacy our children's children will talk about.

In the words of our beloved captain, Brad Evans, B-Rad:

Phenomenal.

He stole the words right out of my mouth, that brilliant, gorgeous man.

Bonus GIFS because I love you

Bring it on, Philly. We can handle your best shot.

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Storm's coming, can you handle it, Union?

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Well, this first half is not the magic I envisioned.

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Hmm, we did not cover Edu very effectively.

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Ugh.

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It's okay, we can recover from this.

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WHOAOMG BARRETT GOAL!

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Oba's coming on! Bringing out only the best for this contest.

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Philly's not gonna know which way our attack's coming from.

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Did Yedlin really chase that guy down? F'realz?

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Oh god, Union, please don't score, please don't score.

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Frei's got an answer to that!

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If we lose this game...I don't even know.

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Okay, extra time. Let's catch ‘em napping on the counter.

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One hell of an even match so far.

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YESYESYES!

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Deadly precision by Deuce there.

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They're never gonna catch us now.

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OMG LMFAOWIHABFAFIMRAAMMTMTTDMRFBNA OBA WE'RE GONNA WIN!

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Seattle owns this trophy!

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We're never letting go of this trophy again!

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What a fun team to watch.

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Sure, one trophy is nice, but more is better.

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