We figured out what every Sounders player needs for Xmas

Most of you have probably opened your morning's fill of Christmas gifts and we're moving into that part of the day where we're transitioning into other parts of the holiday. And let's face it, the second half is the part many of us dread: When we need to spend several hours with our larger family. We know as well as anyone how much help it can be to find solace in your favorite blog, and so we offer this distraction: Our Sounders Xmas guide.

We've run the numbers and done the research: This is what we think Sounders players most need from the holiday. (Apologies in advance for giving out so many socks, but we just couldn't figure out what to get everyone.)

Osvaldo Alonso: A dip into the Fountain of Youth.

Andy Craven: A new webcam and an xbox one elite controller

Clint Dempsey: A spot on the Copa America Centenario team (that somehow doesn't cost him much time with the Sounders).

Brad Evans: A position he can finally call his own.

Oniel Fisher: Socks

Stefan Frei: The recognition he so richly deserves.

Erik Friberg: The most well-reviewed taco-cookbook on Amazon, "Tacos: Recipes and Provocations."

Andreas Ivanschitz: A tie (he seems like the kind of person who already has everything)

Darwin Jones: A bit more playing time.

Aaron Kovar: Just a little more patience.

Damion Lowe: Socks.

Charlie Lyon: A stress-free wedding.

Victor Mansaray: As much as we love the outside-of-the-foot pass, a left foot would be very useful.

Chad Marshall: "The Bodyguard" on Blu Ray, a must for any Whitney Houston fan.

Obafemi Martins: The behind-the-scenes footage of Pacific Rim, to help figure out how to remain drift compatible during the playoffs.

Tyrone Mears: A full season as strong as the first two-thirds of 2015.

Tyler Miller: Socks.

Jordan Morris: A Sounders contract

Jimmy Ockford: Socks.

Dylan Remick: Socks.

Cristian Roldan: A midfielder close to his age that he can play with.

Andy Rose: A promotion to The Championship.

Zach Scott: A true testimonial match.

Román Torres: A speedy recovery

Nelson Valdez: Hopefully this can keep him healthy

We'd love to know what other Sounders-related gifts you'd like to give.