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How to Date a Guy Who Hates Sports

Ladies, we all know that the single most important goal in life is to meet a man, right? Jobs, friends ... who cares about those trivial things? As the Seattle Weekly points out in an article that doesn't appear to be satire, it can be hard to find a man in Seattle because so many of them like sports. And as fellow women know, sports are scary!

Thank goodness we have advice like this: "Are you eyeing that adorably dorky guy sporting a Sounders scarf, playing darts and downing pints with his bro-grammer friends? Mention to him how you visited Old Trafford during your last trip to England. He will be wowed and maybe purchase you a craft cocktail."

All relationships should be built on lies; so that's the secret! I wish I had this advice 15 years ago.

Seattlish already has a great takedown of the original article, but I'm here to tell you that there's a problem that is even more urgent out there, and it is one that affects me personally. What happens when you meet a guy, you hit it off, it starts to get serious, and then you find out the worst news possible: he doesn't like sports.

Yes, this tragic scenario happened to me. Want to know the good news? 10 years later, and we're still dating.

You're probably wondering, "Susie, what's your secret? How did you find a way to live with a man who hates sports more than Roger Clemens hates Mike Piazza?"

Lucky for you, I'm about to share my five-point action plan for women who are dating someone who doesn't like sports.

1. Don't force him to go to sporting events

I made this mistake three times, taking my guy to a Mariners, Seahawks, and Sounders game. For the Mariners game, he left the stadium and walked around taking pictures. I'm not joking. We barely made it through the Sounders game. He was clearly not having fun, and you know what? I wasn't having fun. We decided I would never force him to another sporting event with me, and we've both been a lot happier.

2. Encourage him to pursue his own passions

The best way to trick your boyfriend into giving you more sports time is to encourage him to pursue his own passions. My boyfriend likes fishing (I guess that is kind of a sport?) and video games. When I really want to watch soccer all weekend, I'll be a super good girlfriend and tell him he's had a long week and should play some video games to relax. He thinks about how lucky he is to have me, and I laugh maniacally as I start watching soccer at 4:00 a.m.

3. Be willing to compromise, a bit

During the football season, I used to frequently get this line on Sundays: "Another football game?" Remember, on page one of the "How To Be a Woman" handbook, it explains how important it is to have a man in your life? Well, I realized if I ignored my boyfriend too often for sports, I could lose him. So I made an effort to prioritize time with him over football to give our relationship a chance. While I don't watch every game anymore, at least I still have fantasy football.

4. Don't talk about sports ALL THE TIME

You know when you go to a friend's house for a party and everyone wants to talk about the new Mariners signings, the Sounders, or the Seahawks? I get really into those conversations and love to talk about how Earl Thomas is the best defensive player in the NFL, or complain about Lamar Neagle being played as a lone striker, or pretend that Kim Little is my best friend in the whole world. You know who feels left out of these conversations ALL THE TIME? My guy. If you want to keep him, ladies, you're going to need to bring up other topics at these parties, or he'll never want to go.

5. Ignore what everybody else says

All jokes aside, some women like sports. Some don't. Some men like sports. Some don't. Some women like men. Some don't. But here's one thing I'm certain about: you like who you like. So, my boyfriend hates sports. There's still a million things we can do together. When you stop worrying about bullshit societal expectations and the need to base your worth off somebody else, you get a lot happier.

So, ladies, follow these simple steps, and you too can survive dating somebody who hates sports. You're welcome. (And, here's the other thing nobody ever tells you: this advice could, shockingly, apply to someone of any gender nurturing a relationship with someone else of any gender.)

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