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Sounders captain asks for your help

Taking his duties as captain of the Sounders to heart, Brad Evans solicits the help of fans regarding a very serious matter.

This is not a face you want to disappoint
This is not a face you want to disappoint
Steven Bisig-USA TODAY Sports

In the realm of the comings and goings for the Seattle Sounders, the pantheon of newsworthy occurrences was recently shattered when Brad Evans elicited the help of Twitter. The captain of the Sounders, colloquially known as "The Sheriff", apparently takes his role as the arbiter of all things Sounders very seriously.

There were a few responses to this inquest, though not many were serious. As a pinnacle of human evolution, Kenny Cooper deserves more than some suggested double rat tails or flock of seagulls, though with all the jokesters out there, who's surprised this paramount request wasn't taken seriously. Thankfully, our very own Likkit swooped in and offered his own worthy suggestion.

Upon witnessing the dearth of options available for Mr. Cooper, and wanting to help out The Sheriff, I sought the aid of TAAZ, mostly because my photoshop skills are less than stellar (for all of you going around thinking I was perfect or infallible, I'm sorry to disappoint you so). The results, below, are mixed.

kennycooperelenitzimas
The Tzimas

kennycoopercareymulligan
The Mulligan

kennycooperjennamalone
The Malone

kennycooperkatemoss
The Moss

kennycooperkatewinslet
The Winslet

kennycoopergladysknight
The Knight

kennycoopercodyhorn
The Horn

kennycooperrihanna
The Rihanna

kennycooperannehathaway
The Hathaway

kennycooperannafaris
The Faris

kennycooperjasikanicole
The Nicole

kennycooperlilrounds
The Lil Rounds

kennycooperwhoopigoldberg
The Whoopi

kennycooperladygaga
The Gaga

If you intrepid Sounders fans feel like helping out Brad Evans in his search for the perfect Kenny Cooper hair, then here's the original picture I used for these modest modifications. Feel free to share your submissions below and with Mr. Evans.