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Cristiano Ronaldo should totally come to Sounders

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Rumors today circulated that Cristiano Ronaldo, of Real Madrid, wants to play stateside once his current contract ends. That he should end up playing for Seattle Sounders just makes too much sense.

Breaking news today as multiple sources reported that Cristiano Ronaldo has plans to join MLS (warning: link contains autoplay video). The move would be after his contract expires with Spanish club Real Madrid, though that won't be until 2018, when the Portuguese superstar would be 33 years old. The rumored destinations were reported to be Los Angeles, New York, and Miami.

Signing Ronaldo would be a coup for MLS, even if he would be past his prime. Though it's this writer's opinion that his talent would be better served in Seattle than the aforementioned cities.

Reasons why Ronaldo should choose Seattle

1) He could be a part of the organization that developed international stars, such as DeAndre Yedlin and Fredy Montero.

2) Citizens of Seattle do not get star-struck. We mind our own business and won't bother Ronaldo as he goes about his merry way.

3) Global Warming is affecting Seattle less than anywhere else in the country by making Winter warmer and less rainy and Summer even better, as if that were even possible.

4) Seattle has a top-notch recycling program.

5) Seattle has a $15 hour minimum wage.

6) He'd have a chance to make Portland look bad at least three times a year.

7) Boeing would probably let him design his own plane, while Starbucks would let him have free coffee for life, and Microsoft would give him a cool soccer kit that says XBOX across the chest and his name on the back.

8) He'd be surrounded by an enthusiastic yachting community. One should never yacht alone.

9) Polar flights from Seattle reduce travel time to and from Europe.

10) He could surf in the ocean, ski on a volcano, and play a Sounders game within the same day.

11) The NoLo Lofts are a great mirror.

12) He needs to be featured in Likkit's legendary gif posts.

13) Cristiano wants to catch them all, planewalk with Ajani Goldmane and join Acquisitions Inc.

14) He would finally be able to visit Forks and La Push to fulfill his Twilight fandom.

15) He could cross "catch a flying salmon at Pike Place Market" off his bucket list.

Were Ronaldo to choose Seattle it's unclear whether the No. 7 jersey would be kept by current Sounder Christian Roldan or if Cristiano Ronaldo would don it in the famed Rave Green. Though these are problems we shouldn't stress over for the now. Clearly Seattle Sounders are on board with this idea.