Sounders vs. DC - Aftermatch Aftermath: Winners not losers

In this Aftermatch Aftermath we finally celebrate a victory, this time when the Seattle Sounders defeated DC United. It feels good. It feels really good.

By Ethan Swenson Jul 5, 2015, 9:00am PDT

This is what winning feels like! Winners rule, losers drool! We win, we die, we win again! These are the types of things that winners say, which the Seattle Sounders totally are now: winners. What about DC United, you asked? Well they're just a bunch of losers. Do you know what losers say? Well, I don't know the onomatopoeia for a baby crying, but I'm sure it's something like "Waaaaah!" I'm just not familiar with what losers say because I follow the Sounders and they're not losers like DC United, especially after Friday when the Sounders defeated DC 1-0.

The victory was a great way to kickstart a patriotic weekend, and what better way of doing that than having one Washington defeat the capital of America. Washington vs Washington. But I'm not going to write about the game this time, oh no. You are. It'll be easy. You're smart and attractive, you'll do just fine. All you need to do is follow this convenient template I've left for you.

It was _(adjective)_ to see the _(team)_ _(result)_ against _(other team)_. It was a _(adjective)_ affair that was _(describe your feelings on the game)_, one where both teams looked threatening. It wasn't until _(player name)_ _(eventful soccer action)_ in the _(accurate timeframe)_th minute that secured the _(outcome)_ for _(team)_. But just talking about that one moment does the rest of the game a disservice. The match had plenty to talk about: _(create a list about the moments of importance, culminating in something controversial; use names and timeframes)_.

The _(controversial thing in the previous list)_changed the complexity of the game and made _(affected team)_ adapt, changing their strategy to be more _(adjective)_, playing for the _(soccer outcome)_ instead of the _(different soccer outcome)_. It was a _(adjective)_ strategy for sure, one that promoted _(soccer specific description)_ and general _(broad adjective that disparages the offending team)_. So it was a bit poetic after _(team)_ _(eventful soccer action)_ to see _(other team)_ _(adjective)_, _(verb)_ the lack of _(noun)_ and opportunities.

I'm certain _(team)_ _(multiple nouns in list form)_ will be _(adjective)_ about the lack of _(noun)_ given on a couple of _(noun)_ late in the game, situations that could have resulted in some _(noun)_ for the team leading the _(noun)_. If they had wanted to not be _(noun)_, they probably should've _(verb)_ more _(noun)_ than their opponents, something they failed to do on this occasion. Their failure to do such resulted in the _(team)_ being _(noun)_, sending thousands of _(noun)_ _(noun)_ _(adjective)_, despite the overbearing heat.

But that _(noun)_ that _(player name)_ _(verb)_, my goodness it was a _(adjectival noun)_. It seems that _(team possessive)_ _(soccer position)_ are incapable of _(verb)_ _(noun)_ that aren't _(adjective)_. Every single _(noun)_ has been an _(verb)_ moment, so it shouldn't surprise anybody that _(possessive player name)_ contribution to the _(noun)_ was just as _(adjective)_ of a _(noun)_. Adding in the fact that it was a _(noun)_ with mere _(noun)_ to go just further enhances the _(adjectival noun)_ that was the _(noun)_.

For the first time in a _(noun)_, the _(team)_ will have a full _(noun)_ of _(adjective)_ _(noun)_ and _(noun)_ before their next _(noun)_ against _(third team not yet mentioned)_ this coming _(noun)_. Here's to _(verb)_ a (noun) will _(verb)_, where _(noun)_ continue to be _(noun)_. No _(noun)_ allowed.

Good job! I knew you had it in you. So now you can do this after every game for me? You're the best.