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Fake news and real facts about why Clint Dempsey dominates on the road

Six of his seven goals are on the road.

MLS: Seattle Sounders FC at Portland Timbers
Maybe you’ve noticed that most of Clint Dempsey’s goal celebrations are in front of opposing fans?
Troy Wayrynen-USA TODAY Sports

Most players do better at home. It’s just a fact. But Clint Dempsey, as he do, breaks the mold. He has six road goals and only one at home in 2017. If that seems extreme, it is. Dempsey is tied for the league lead in road goals. Romain Alessandrini also has six away with two at home.

Tied for 23rd in the league, Dempsey’s home/away goal splits will remain a mystery no longer.

  1. Fact: Hotel room bottled water is like Gummiberry juice to Clint Dempsey.
  2. Fact: Clint Dempsey really likes room service.
  3. Fact: Clint is a secret investor in Dallas-based Tex-Mex chain On the Border.
  4. Fact: Post-match phoritos lead to Clint rushing his shots.
  5. Fact: Clint prefers the team bus over driving.
  6. Fact: Seattle traffic gets Clint Dempsey out-of-sorts.
  7. Fact: Clint Dempsey finds the Space Needle distracting.
  8. Fact: Dempsey sleeps too soundly on his Pacific Feather pillows, can't wake up for the game.
  9. Fact: Dempsey really loves airline peanuts.
  10. Fact: Dempsey's road hotel room partner is Roman Torres, who does the bunny hop ‘til he sleeps sweet dreams.
  11. Fact: Clint Dempsey likes to see despair on the faces of opposing fans more than joy on the faces of Sounders fans.
  12. Fact: Clint Dempsey gets more sleep on the road because he doesn't have children waking him up all night with their petty nightmare problems.
  13. Fact: Seattle Sound breezes mess with Clint's inner ear, resulting in misses.
  14. Fact: pregame meals of garlic fries throw off Dempsey's finishing.
  15. Fact: Dempsey only tries on the road.
  16. Fact: CenturyLink posts are an inch fatter resulting in Deuce hitting the woodwork not the net.
  17. Fact: Dempsey hates flamethrowers.
  18. Fact: Clint is taking a stand against turf.
  19. Fact: Dempsey can sense when you doubt him.
  20. Fact: Clint Dempsey does what he wants, when he wants.

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