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9 soccer cup competitions that don’t exist, but should

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Gotta makes the monies

Venables At England Training Session Photo by Phil Cole/Getty Images

There aren’t enough cup competitions in the world. If there were, more teams could play twice a week, 50 weeks of the year, which would mean more money for the owners and the confederations, which is why soccer exists, just ask the confederations and owners.

Let’s help these wise souls and create more ideas for cup competitions.

Europa League 2

This would be like the TV show Earth: Final Conflict. Everyone loves the things that the organization originally created, so why not more from these wise souls? Sure, it’s hard to strike lightning twice, but have you tried getting struck three times? This idea is also real.

Trans-Pacific Cup

Invite teams from around the Pacific Rim to enjoy a nice holiday in Hawaii. These mid-tier squads from MLS, Japan, China, South Korea and Australia would get to enjoy great surfing and the dozens of fans in the stands would see someone famous that now plies their trade in a nation not known for soccer. The next featured player would be David Villa, or Zlatan.

This is kind of real, and has existed in a couple forms.

Zlatan Cup

This cup is being sponsored by Zlatan. The goal is for all teams upon which Zlatan played to feature Zlatan on the pitch again. Zlatan would play a half with each side, as long as they paid Zlatan. No word if Zlatan will invite the LA Galaxy to the next edition of the Zlatan Cup.

Survivor’s Cup

A cup competition that invites the 16 best teams that were nearly relegated. Last year this would have been Southhampton, Huddersfield, Leganés, Athletic Bilbao, SC Freiburg, VfL Wolfsburg, SPAL, Cagliari, Toulouse, Lille, the New York Cosmos, Umm Salal, Al-Sailiya, Al-Arabi, Qatar SC, and Al-Khor.

Updates on who the sponsor is will be coming soon.

تحديثات على من الراعي سيأتي قريبا.

Coffee Cup

This invitational would be a national team competition between every nation that claims to have invented drinking coffee — Ethiopia, Yemen, Saudi Arabia, Turkey, Austria, Italy, France, United States.

Cup of the One Ring

Gondor, Mordor, Rohan, Rhun, Helm’s Deep, Isengard, Moria, Minas Tirith, Rivendell and the Shire regularly appear in this competition in Ennor. Though Moria has been banned for a few years, something about trying to kill everyone.

WeBelieveAlso Cup

Canada keeps getting ignored by the big-money women’s friendly-tournaments like SheBelieves and Tournament of Nations, and that’s why they need to form the WBA. With this they could host Sweden, the Netherlands and North Korea — the next best nations not participating in the tourneys the USSF runs. Christine Sinclair is permitted to take all penalties assessed in the tournament.

NAFTA Cup

This cup competition between the third tier of Liga MX, the second Tier of MLS and the Canadian Premier League. The goal from this SUM competition is to get MLS a title while competing with Liga MX.

The Heritage Cup

Or not. I mean, I've made my thoughts on this fairly public. It should be a preseason tourney that involves every organization that promotes their NASL heritage.