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Christmas Open Thread: A Visit From St. Henderson

With sincere apologies to Clement Clarke Moore.

In lieu of the usual morning links thread, please enjoy this holiday interlude. This is your daily open thread to discuss anything and everything you’d like — holidays, gifts, recipes, travel, or even soccer.

Merry Christmas to those who observe the holiday, and a happy holiday season to all.

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through CLink
Not an athlete was stirring, not even Marshawn Lynch;
The uniforms were hung by the lockers with care,
In hopes that St. Nico soon would be there;
The supporters were nestled all snug in their beds;
While visions of tacos and haircuts danced in their heads;
And Garth with the MLS rulebook, and complex salary cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter’s nap.

When out on the pitch there arose such a clatter,
He sprang from his bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window he flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the puddles from the unending rain,
Gave a luster of midday to objects in the stade,
When what did his wondering eyes now regard,
But SAH commenters with a list of eight stars,
With roster holes aplenty and impending preseason,
He knew in a moment it must be silly season.

More rapid than eagles the suggestions they came,
And they whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
“Now, João Paulo! now, Eguaras! now Suarez and Urso!
Sign Zelarayán! or, Derlis! or, Dominguez and Gressel!
To the top of the conference! to the top of the league!
Now sign them! Sign them! Sign them please!”

As rumors from ITK sources on social media fly,
When they meet with logic holes, wither and die;
Yet onto Sounder At Heart, these rumors, they flew,
To debunk or lend credence to the old and the new—
And then with some clicks, Garth read on the site
The wondering and hope ignited by each report we did write.

As he closed his laptop, and was turning around,
Into the room Chris Henderson came with a bound.
He was dressed in summer clothing, from his head to his toe,
And his skin was all bronzed with a tropical glow;
A bundle of scouting videos was saved on his phone,
And he looked oh so jolly as they were ready to be shown.

His eyes—how they twinkled! his dimples, how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the hair on his head was bleached white as the snow;
The draft of a contract he held tight in his hand,
And the name, it was one not yet whispered in this land;
He had a broad grin at the surprise it would bring;
He shook when he laughed, the fans didn’t suspect a thing.

He was lanky and sly, a clever old fox,
And Garth laughed when he read the name, it checked off each box;
A wink of his eye and a cock of his head,
He knew the fans would have nothing to dread;
Chris spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And flipped through his travel photos with a smirk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
Selected an outdated one he knew he could expose;
He uploaded it to Twitter, and put the fans in a tizzy,
As he threw them a red herring that would keep them all busy.
But they heard Garth exclaim, as he exited the room—

“Happy Christmas to all, and we’ll sign some guys soon!”

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