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It’s Schmetzer Time!

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A deeply scientific look into the newly discovered phenomenon.

Centur suqre PHOTO BY Francis Dean / Deanpictures (Photo by Francis Dean/Corbis via Getty Images

UPDATE: Alexi Lalas even made a song.


Last night on the FS1 broadcast, Rob Stone and Stu Holden said that Brian Schmetzer “does not like the phrase ‘Schmetzer Time’”, but they thought that he secretly loves the idea.

You might be unfamiliar with the term, and wonder what exactly is “Schmetzer Time”? Here at Sounder at Heart Labs we’re all about researching every detail of our favorite MLS team, so we applied for some NSF funding, fired up the Schmetzerchronometer and and delved into the topic to answer the question once and for all.

The sensor readouts were… curious.

Are you planning to enjoy a glass of red wine while watching Thursday’s Minnesota vs. Kansas City Western Conference semifinal game? It turns out that’s Schmetzer Time!

Are you in bed by 9:30 reading a book about WW2-era submarines? Surprisingly, also Schmetzer Time!

Waking up early to watch tape? That’s right, it’s Schmetzer Time!

Starting your work day at 6:30? That’s half-past Schmetzer Time.

Gotta put the kids to bed at 7? Sorry, that one’s not Schmetzer Time.

Putting in 100 thumb reps a day on a pen clicker? You got it – Schmetzer Time.

Hungry (for goals)? No doubt that’s Schmetzer Time!

Hungry (for food)? Go get a snack.

Need to drive to the store to get that snack? Now we’re back on Schmetzer Time!

Are you feeling like a Tough Kid? You’re on Schmetzer Time.

Are you feeling better than Bob Bradley? That’s definitely Schmetzer Time.

That last assessment was so far off the charts that it broke our instruments and we had to pause our study. But maybe you can help us — what is Schmetzer Time to you?