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A letter to Santa Garth from a Sounders fan

A few last minute gifts can make our Christmas great.

Yes, that’s Garth under that mask and hat.
Photo by Noam Galai/Getty Images; illustration by LikkitP

Christmas is this Friday. I thought it would be fun to write a letter to Santa Claus asking for some new players for the Seattle Sounders. In the Sounders Cinematic Universe™, Garth Lagerwey is actually Santa Claus. He’s a magical creature who can make things appear out of thin air.

Dear Santa,

I just want to say that 2020 has been a really weird year. I know that the Sounders made MLS Cup and that was cool and all, but then we lost. I’m not super mad about that because I had a lot of fun supporting the team this year and it was a good distraction from everything else going on. As we’re accustomed to in MLS, approximately 134 minutes after the final whistle of MLS Cup you had to announce which players are out of contract and which players have contract options.

So, this got me thinking, what if you gave us some new players for Christmas? I have some ideas below.

Right Mid: A Fourth Shiny Attacker

We made do this year with sort of a rotating cast at right mid. Cristian Roldan performed the best while playing out of position. Joevin Jones was good, then he wasn’t. Handwalla Bwana got traded. Harry Shipp retired. We’ve got some promising kids on the roster, but getting a new DP or TAM level winger is my Big Christmas wish.

I know money is tight and that you said we couldn’t afford any new toys. But I also know you’re basically an MLS roster genie and you can make anything happen. You know when you were a kid and asked for a specific toy? Then your parents got you the knock-off version of that toy? Well, that’s what I’m doing here. I trust you, Garth Santa.

Remember when you got me Victor Rodriguez? That idea was really thoughtful, but he was just injured a bit too often. That’s the kind of winger I want again. We already have Jordan Morris to be fast and stuff. Let’s get a guy who can cut inside and be good on the dribble.

A New Right back

So before you tell me I already have Alex Roldan at home, hear me out. I really like Alex. I think he’ll be my favorite right back next year. But what if he isn’t? Then I need another right back to replace him. You don’t need to go splash the cash for this guy. You can just get him from one of those Eastern Conference teams. Like Brandon Bye from the New England, Kyle Duncan from the New York Red Bulls, or Auro from Toronto FC. I did some research and I think if you throw some Allocation Money at these teams you can probably grab one of these guys.

Stocking Stuffers: Veteran center mid and backup goalkeeper

Now I’m just going to make it super easy on you. For this gift you can give me players we’ve already had! For the center midfielder, can you please go sign Andy Rose and save him from that mess up north? He’s kinda like a 2-for-1 gift, too, since he plays some centerback. If not him, how about Micheal Azira? I hear both are free agents, which I think means they are actually free. MLS rules are confusing.

Goalkeeper is also super easy. Just bring back Bryan Meredith to back up Stefan Frei. Also a free agent, also a good guy, also someone who would bring smiles to girls and boys.

Stay jolly and go Sounders,


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