With apologies to Dr. Seuss
and congratulations to Craig Waibel!
and thanks to Tim Foss for his unintended writing prompt
Today you're GM
and Chief Soccer Boss.
You do both of them!
You have scouts who look far.
You have owners with cash.
You can search for new players
through treasure and trash.
You're not all alone. And you have a big net.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide who we'll get.
You'll scan the academy, flowers of youth.
You'll search other teams, for the long-in-the-tooth.
About some you will say, "I don't like how he plays".
You're too smart to pick any Tiffert or Blaise.
And you may not find many
From ol' Puget Sound.
In that case of course
you'll head straight out of town.
There's players out there
in the leagues everywhere.
There's places to search...
full of ballers to view:
a country, a region,
a world to look through!
Out there deals can happen
and frequently do.
Ignore Mr. Lalas.
Don't listen to Stu.
THE PLACES YOU'LL SCOUT!
You'll be boarding those planes,
never missing a flight.
You'll be phoning the agents
by day and at night.
Whenever you veer, you've avoided the worst.
Whenever you swoop, you're the guy who swooped first!
The swoopee is fine with the terms you define.
You hand him a pen and he'll sign on the line.
Except when he won't,
because sometimes they don't.
I'm sorry to give you
this dismal report,
abound in our sport.
They can get all hung up
on a million or two,
or insist on a home
with a 360 view.
Or they won't play on turf.
"Only grass for my boots.
It doesn't feel right
when it doesn't have roots."
Then your team hits a slump,
and a slump is NOT fun!
Un-slumping your team
is not easily done.
You will come to a time when attendance goes down.
Some fans remain faithful but others just frown.
Your star sprained his ankle; your keeper, his wrist.
Who should we start now? Who's next on the list?
Who's due for a streak? Who should be dismissed?
And when he comes on, will he play left or right?
Or right-and-float-central? Or maybe in tight?
Does coach know his business, or should I butt in?
Simple, it's not, to come up with a scheme
for a team-setter-upper to set up his team.
You can get so abused
by a ref with a need
to insure that your team never gets in the lead
(which we could have prevented, if we had a Swede),
and afterward online you happen to read
The Griping Place...
...where posters are just griping.
Griping that the coach is bad
or a call was is wrong, 'cause the refs are bad
or the defence sucks, and we sure miss Chad,
or the midfield sucks, and we sure miss Brad,
we should trade player X 'cause he makes me mad;
and find a DP we can somehow add.
Everyone is just griping.
"Play kid Y, 'cause he needs to grow"
"Bench vet Z, 'cause he's old and slow"
and "(censored censored censored) Rowe"
More trades! Lousy views!
Long lines! Bad news!
More goals! More cups!
More wins! Stream sucks!
Everyone is just griping.
That's not your style!
Somehow you will change
all that whining and braying
to singing along with
what Sound Wave is playing.
The tifo's unfurling...
Oh looky! It's YOU.
Your face is enormous.
Hi fans! Howdy-do!
Oh, the places you'll scout! There are deals to be done!
There are points to be scored. There are games to be won.
And the magical things your team does with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame! You'll be famous and making big splashes,
with the whole wide world watching... until the stream crashes....
Except when we've lost
they might dish you some frost.
I'm afraid that some times
We'll play terribly too.
Games we should win
we will flush down the loo.
Below the line!
Whether you like it or not,
The Line will be something
you'll hear of a lot.
And when we're below it, the fans go ballistic;
demanding our players should be more Pulistic.
There's many such posters on forums online
that will dis you so much you might want to resign.
But on you will go
though you question your work.
On you will go
(although Garber's a jerk)
On you will go
though the Kraken-fans smirk.
you get slandered on chat,
and all of the beer
in your fridge has gone flat.
Up and up you will climb,
And we know you'll climb far, to
reconquer the league and
recapture that star.
You've gotten mixed up
as you already know
with some talented people--
Let's Put On A Show!
The world stage is looming,
awaiting our cue
to finally unleash
what a Hydra can do.
Just remember forgive us our horseshoe of death,
And signings must shoot with their right AND their left.
And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(99 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)
CRAIG YOU'LL FILL LUMEN
Whether your signings have one name or two,
and many more years left or only a few,
You're off to Great Seasons!
Your kids are all tough!
Your fans are awaiting!
So...get off your duff!