Sounder at Heart will endure

Do you ever wonder about how you got to where you are in any given moment? The news on Friday that Vox Media was shuttering most of the NHL & MLS SBNation blogs and their entire podcast network hit me particularly hard. I am affected, because the Sounder at Heart podcast will not exist beyond the end of February, at least not in its current form. We’ll figure out what to do, but I thought it would be a good time to reflect on how things got here.

Around the time I left Christianity, my therapist recommended to me that I direct some energy toward my hobby of soccer. She knew I loved writing and told me I should diary my days going to Sounders games. I had been a season-ticket holder for some years and that had been a pillar in my life.

TotalMLS — a since-shuttered website — was a chance. I didn’t really know what I was doing but I knew I wanted to do it. Before I wanted to be a preacher, I wanted to be a sports journalist. My mom died, the church sunk its teeth into me and I spent too many years in a lie.

TotalMLS was going to die. We didn’t let it, or at least delayed it. Dustyn and I tried and failed. Failed more than we tried. But we tried and goddamn it we did it. Ian and Jimmy came along and we did something worthwhile until all four of us found something better.

I had my dream job for 37 days working for the Seattle Reign. Then I didn’t. Before I knew which way was what, Dave Clark told me that now was the time I joined Sounder at Heart. Maybe he knew, maybe he didn’t, but all the same, being a SAH contributor was about the peak of my dreams. Little did I know that doing so would take me beyond my wildest dreams.

I would get a day job I am still at. Sort of. I’m now in a position I never thought I’d have. But before today I got to do so much I never thought I’d do. I launched a podcast here. I wrote about the Sounders winning trophies. I wrote about Sounders players and fans defeating fascists, which helped lead to MLS changing its policy. Not to mention everything in between.

Jeremiah became one of my best friends. He knows this, but I don’t know if he knows I look up to him more than anyone I know in my life.

I know myself more than I ever have because of the pages of this website. Maybe you do too. Vox Media can never take that away.

You want answers more than I do. I know. I don’t know the specifics of where we’re going, however, I know we’re Sounder at Heart. We’ll have a site, a podcast, wherever we go. I love you all.