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Audietis Amplius: Somehow this is my fault...obviously

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Ginge visits Seattle. Ginge attends two soccer matches at Century Link Field. Sounders announce all fans entering the stadium will be subjected to metal detector wands. COINCIDENCE?!?!

USA TODAY Sports

The Sounders just announced that starting on July 3rd, all fans entering CenturyLink Field will have to be scanned by a metal detector wand before entering the stadium.

"Our first priority is to ensure a safe environment for Sounders FC fans at CenturyLink Field," said Sounders FC President Peter McLoughlin. "This is the same program that was implemented at Seahawks games last season. The process is smooth and moves quickly."

Sorry everyone. Obviously this is my fault. I'm not sure how, but seriously, why else would this happen?

Sure the Seattle Seahawks do the same thing before all their home games, but we all know this is a random -- dare I say knee jerk -- reaction to the fact that I was in town earlier in June and attended two games at CenturyLink. No doubt several security professional employed at the stadium saw a random ginger walking around and immediately went into crisis mode over that completely unacceptable situation.

I have no idea why their gingerism has driven them to these measures that will both ensure everyone is safe from all the coins in your pocket, but more importantly, it will ensure that the lines to get into the stadium will be even slower and longer.

Maybe MLS is really getting serious about their endless, and pointless, quest to attract the attention of all those "Eurosnobs" that watch leagues like the EPL but refuse to support domestic soccer. Creating a more "English-like" environment outside the stadium -- ie. creating ridiculous queues, because we all know the English LOVE to queue -- is just another step towards trying to bring in that elusive section of American soccer fans.

That or they just don't like gingers.

OR MAYBE ADRIAN HANAUER WAS LISTENING TO THE 100th EPISODE OF NOS AUDIETIS AND HEARD ALL THE INTERFERENCE ON THE MICROPHONE.

METAL COULD HAVE CAUSED THAT RIGHT?!

OH MY GOD. BLACK HELICOPTERS. MEN WITH EARPIECES.

THEY'RE EVERYWHERE AND THEY'RE WATCHING.

BLAME GINGE! BLAME GINGE!